1. Assertive Communication:

I Didn’t Know How to Speak My Truth Kindly

I used to think being a “good” parent meant saying yes to everything, never upsetting anyone, and keeping the peace at all costs. But in doing that, I wasn’t honest about how I felt. I wasn’t modelling how to speak up with kindness and clarity.

Eventually, I learned about the three main communication styles—and how they each shape the way our children learn to express themselves: Here they are:

Passive Communication

Passive Communication is when we avoid expressing our needs or opinions to avoid conflict. We say yes when we mean no or downplay how we feel.

Example: “It’s fine, don’t worry about it,” when really, we’re upset or overwhelmed.

What this  teaches our kids: Your feelings don’t matter. Keep quiet to be accepted.

Aggressive Communication

Aggressive communication is when we express ourselves in a controlling, loud, or harsh way—disregarding the other person’s feelings.

Example: “You always do this! You never listen!”

What this teaches our kids: The loudest voice wins. You have to dominate to be heard.

Assertive Communication

Assertive communication is the healthy middle ground. It’s clear, calm, respectful, and honest. It honours your needs  and the needs of others.

Example:  “I’m feeling overwhelmed right now. Can we talk in a few minutes?

What this teaches our kids:  You can speak up—and it’s possible to do it kindly.

Kids don’t learn assertiveness from what we  tell them. They learn it from how we  live.   If you want your child to set healthy boundaries and use their voice, show them how it’s done in your own day to day interactions with others.

My regret? I didn’t know how to speak up in a calm and respectful way. When my kids were growing up, I was either quiet and passive—or I yelled when I couldn’t hold it in anymore. I didn’t know there was a better way. I didn’t know how to model assertive communication.

I wish I had learned that speaking honestly doesn’t have to mean being harsh—or staying silent. Now I’m learning to speak my truth with kindness and clarity.  And every time I do, I show my kids—and grandkids—that it’s never too late to find your voice.”

2. Autonomy:

I Wish I’d Let Them Make More Choices

Autonomy  goes beyond letting your kids pick out their clothes or choose what’s for dinner. It’s about raising children who feel empowered to make decisions, think for themselves, and take ownership of their lives.

It took me time to understand that autonomy builds self-confidence. When we allow children to explore their interests, make mistakes, and try again, we’re helping them grow into resilient, self-aware adults.

I tried to let my kids make choices that were right for their age. I asked for their ideas during family talks, let them help solve problems, and encouraged them to try new hobbies. But sometimes, I held on too tight—because I loved them and was scared of what might happen if I let go.

One moment I’ll never forget is the night my daughter came to me crying. She had always said she wanted to be a social worker, but now she had changed her mind. She wanted to be a hairdresser instead—and she was scared to tell me. She thought I’d be disappointed. But the truth is, I was totally fine with her new dream. I just hadn’t done a good job showing her that I would support her no matter what.

That moment taught me how important it is to let our kids know that their dreams are their own—and that we’ll be proud of them no matter which path they choose.

My regret?  I didn’t give my kids enough freedom to make their own choices. Even though I invited them into some decisions, I still held on too tightly—out of love and fear. I wanted to protect them, but I didn’t always show them I trusted them.

  Now I know: confidence grows when kids get to choose, try, and even make mistakes. Today, I remind myself that their lives belong to them—not to my fears. And it’s never too late to show them I believe in who they are becoming

3. The Power of My Words:

I Didn’t Realize They’d Echo for a Lifetime

If I could go back, I would be far more intentional with my words—not just in discipline but in everyday moments.

I didn’t understand how powerful words are. That words stay with a child for years. Those words can nurture their self-worth or slowly chip away at their self-esteem.

But there’s something else I didn’t understand back then that some words that i said made my children feel like their feelings weren’t real or didn’t matter.

Sometimes, to fix things or protect them from pain, we accidentally dismiss their feelings:

❌ Phrases That Hurt:

• “You’re overreacting.”
  
  
• “That didn’t hurt. You’re fine.”
  
  
• “That’s not what happened.”
  
  
• “You always make a big deal out of nothing.”
  
  
• “It wasn’t that bad. Stop crying.”
  
  

To a child, these phrases can feel confusing and dismissive. They begin to question their own emotions and wonder if their feelings are wrong.

✅ What to Say Instead:

• “That looked like it really hurt. Are you okay?”
  
  
• “It makes sense you’d feel that way.”
  
  
• “I hear you. I’m here.”
  
  
• “I might not fully understand, but I can see this matters to you.”
  
  

When we validate our child’s experience, even if we disagree, we teach them that their emotions are real and worthy of respect.

We also have the power to plant encouraging, grounding phrases in their heart:

• “You matter.”
  
  
• “I’m listening.”
  
  
• “You can tell me anything.”
  
  
• “You’re doing your best, and I see it.”
  
  

My regret?  I seldom thought about how my words would effect my kids years later. I spoke too quickly, tried to fix things too fast, and brushed off big feelings. I didn’t mean to hurt—but I didn’t always help.

Today,  I choose to speak gently, to actively listen, and to plant words that build self-esteem and confidence.

4. Generational Parenting:

I Didn’t Realize I Was Parenting on Autopilot

I thought I was doing things differently than my parents. But the truth? I was carrying a parenting blueprint I didn’t even know I had—one passed down from generations before me.  Some parts were beautiful: family traditions, love, vacations. But other parts included shame, silence, fear, and emotional distance.

Generational parenting shows up in the smallest moments:

• The way we handle tears.
  
  
• The way we react to mistakes.
  
  
• The tone we use. The words we repeat. Even the way we laugh.
  
  

Our kids are always watching. Not just what we  say but how we  live.  They see:

• Whether we rest or run ourselves ragged.
  
  
• Whether we apologize or never admit we’re wrong.
  
  
• Whether we respect others—or tear them down when they’re not listening.
  
  

And then they mirror it.  But here’s the good news: We can break cycles. We can keep the good and lovingly leave the rest.

To do that, we have to:

1. Bring the unconscious to light—notice what you’re repeating.
   
   
2. Repair instead of repeat—apologies, model growth.
   
   
3. Learn new tools—communication, boundaries, handling disagreements.
   
   
4. Give yourself grace—you’re not just parenting a child but reparenting yourself.
   
   

My regret?  I thought I was doing things differently but I was still following an old parenting script I didn’t even know I had.
I passed down patterns I wish I’d broken sooner: silence, shame, fear. I didn’t always stop to ask, “Is this really the way I want to parent?”

Now I know that just because something is familiar doesn’t mean it’s healthy. We can keep the love and traditions and leave the hurt behind. And when we choose to grow, we don’t just change our story we change our kids and grandkids too.

5. Compound Interest:

I Wish I’d Known How Much the Little Things Matter

Parenting is like compound interest. It’s not about one big deposit. It’s about small, consistent investments over time.

I know this one sounds odd. But hear me out. Every bedtime story. Every moment you pause and listen. Every time you say, “I’m proud of you.” These tiny acts? They compound. They build trust, connection, and confidence.

And just like in finances, missed deposits have a cost. Not every missed moment causes damage, but it adds up when we consistently skip the small things. Such as the quick chats in the car that never happen because we’re on our phones or deep in our thoughts. The bedtime tuck-ins we stop doing because they’re “too old” or we’re “too tired.” Too many kids are putting themselves to bed, night after night, feeling unseen. And if you ask them, they’ll probably say, “It’s all right.” But let’s be the bigger person. Let’s show up because our kids are worth our time, even when they say they don’t need to be tucked in .

And here’s something we don’t talk about enough—our kids notice when we’re always on our phones. How can we ask them to get off their devices if we’re glued to ours? Real connection happens when we put the screens down and look them in the eyes.

The good news about compound interest? It also works the other way. Every small act of love, kindness, and presence grows into something powerful. Start small. Stay consistent. Your child doesn’t need perfection. They need to feel seen, heard and loved.

My regret? I missed too many of the small moments that really mattered. I skipped bedtime tuck-ins. I was distracted in the car. I thought, “They’re fine,” or “They don’t need me right now.” But those little moments weren’t little at all.

Now I see that every hug, every ‘I’m proud of you,’ every time I stop and really listen—it all adds up. And while I can’t go back, I can choose to show up now. Because it’s not perfection our kids need. It’s our presence. Our time. Our love.”

Conclusion

Parenting isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present.

It’s about learning from the past and choosing to do something different now that we know better.

These five regrets I’ve shared aren’t about failure. They’re chances to grow and do better for ourselves, our children and grandchildren.

It’s not the big choices that shape our kids the most. It’s the little things we do every day. And if you’ve ever thought it’s too late to change—please know it’s not. Your child is still watching and still listening, even adult children. As long as you’re here, you can show them something new, not just for them but for the child inside you, too.

If no one has told you lately—everything is going to be okay.
Tomorrow is a new day and with it comes new hope.

If this message speaks to you, share it with someone who needs it too.
I believe in you.”

"Remember, change begins with ourselves.

Put your knowledge into action and reach your full potential ."
Wishing you heartfelt warmth 

and support on your parenting journey!

Kate/Gramma Kate