Why Radical Self-Acceptance Is So Hard

Radical self-acceptance sounds simple, but it is one of the hardest things any of us will ever do. It means accepting the truth about your feelings, your needs, and your personality without shame or judgment. It’s saying, “This is who I am, and this is my experience,” even if you don’t love every part of yourself.

And just to be clear, radical self-acceptance isn’t about accepting what other people think of you, especially when their opinions come from their own insecurities. It’s about accepting who you know yourself to be.

Most of us struggle with self-acceptance because we were taught to conform to what others wanted from us. We learned to downplay our feelings, stay small to keep the peace, and shift our personality depending on who we were with. Over time, those patterns make us afraid that if we show who we really are, people might walk away.

That fear causes us to shrink ourselves to fit someone else’s expectations. But eventually, pretending becomes exhausting. Your body feels it first—the stress, the heaviness, the pressure in your chest that tells you something isn’t right. Your relationships feel it too, because the old roles you used to play simply don’t fit anymore.

Little by little, you begin to realize you’ve outgrown the identity you built just to survive. That uncomfortable moment is where radical self-acceptance begins. It’s the moment you stop fighting who you are and start listening to yourself instead.

The Week I Finally Stopped Shrinking

This past week pushed me into a level of radical self-acceptance I didn’t even know I had in me. People often talk about self-acceptance like it’s calm and peaceful, but in reality, it can be the hardest, most emotional thing you’ll ever do. Sometimes it means facing something unfair and choosing to trust your gut rather than doubting yourself. That’s precisely what happened to me.

I volunteer at a local school, helping primary kids who are behind in their reading. These children need extra patience, understanding, and someone who believes in them, and I go in every week because I care. Since September, though, there has been tension around one particular student. An educational assistant believed I was “taking work away” from them, even though I was supporting the kids who needed the most help.

There were a few discussions about how to handle it, but last week the principal told me I could not work with that child at all. No explanation. No adjustments. Just a firm no. And worst of all, the child himself was singled out because of this decision.

It hurt. It hurt because I care deeply about him. It hurt because at only eight years old, he carries more trauma than most adults ever will. And it hurt because children like him need connection and consistency—not rejection.

The moment it happened, my old patterns kicked in fast. I felt myself thinking, “Maybe I did something wrong,” and “Maybe if I were quieter or easier, this wouldn’t have happened.” Those thoughts are old, familiar, and rooted in years of people-pleasing.

But this time, I didn’t follow them.

That’s where radical self-acceptance stepped in. I told myself, “No. I’m not blaming myself for doing the right thing. I’m not shrinking to make other adults comfortable. I’m not carrying other people’s reactions on my back. And I’m not pretending this is okay when it isn’t.”

It took real courage, the shaky, teary kind, to stay in that moment and not go back to the old version of myself who stayed silent to keep the peace. But this time, I chose what was right for me. And in choosing myself, something inside me shifted.

That is the heart of radical self-acceptance. It’s standing in your truth when something feels wrong. It’s refusing to abandon your values, even when others don’t understand or agree. And most of all, it’s trusting your inner voice, even when it feels terrifying.

This week taught me something I’ll never forget: radical self-acceptance might sound like a mindset, but it’s really an action. You can tell yourself all day long that you deserve respect and peace, but nothing will change until you take action that aligns with your values. The moment you do, everything inside you begins to shift.

How to Start Practicing Radical Self-Acceptance

How to Model Radical Self-Acceptance for Your Kids

Kids don’t learn radical self-acceptance from what we say—they learn it from what we show them. When you honour your feelings, your values, and your opinions, even when they’re different from everyone else’s, your children watch that. They learn that it’s okay to stand in their truth, too.

When you say, “This is how I feel, and my feelings matter,” your kids learn that their emotions matter as well. When you disagree respectfully, they learn that disagreements don’t mean disconnection. And when you stop apologizing for who you are, they learn not to apologize for who they are either.

Breaking the habit of shrinking yourself sends a powerful message: authenticity is not a threat, it’s a strength. Kids who grow up watching radical self-acceptance don’t go through life trying to fit in. They grow up anchored in who they are, confident and unafraid to stand alone when they need to.



In Conclusion:

Radical self-acceptance isn’t just a mindset — it’s choosing to take action, even when it feels hard. It’s choosing your truth over how others have trained you to behave to make themselves feel comfortable with their own insecurities. Radical self-acceptance is choosing presence over pretending. And it’s choosing to come home to yourself after a lifetime of trying to fit in everywhere else.



And the beautiful thing is this: the moment you choose yourself — even once — your whole life begins to shift.